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Not nothing but trouble (workingtitle)

This is a tiny piece of a larger story I'm writing. A memory of one of the main characters.


She was playing with matches. He'd left them carelessly lying about. Like he always did. He cared for nothing but his booze and his smokes. He'd been gone for a long time already. She knew that when he came back he would stink. She wrinkled her nose at the thought of that. The matches smelled nice when she struck them on the side of the box. The scent made her smile. It made her think of good things, she just couldn't remember what those things were, just the feeling they'd left behind. She was hungry. Her brother DaniΓ«l was not home yet. She looked at the clock that was hanging on the wall and tried to concentrate. The two hands of time stood very close together on the bottom side of the clock, to the left. She started to be nervous. DaniΓ«l always protected her and he wasn't home yet. Maybe daddy would come home sooner. She struck another match so maybe the good feeling would stay. Then she heard the door slam shut. She quickly hid the struck matches under the carpet, but he'd already entered the room and she knew she was going to be very sorry. That's what he called it. Very, very sorry. But I'm already sorry daddy, very, very sorry.

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In memoriam ~ Chris

Chris
Juni 1999 - December 2018



mijn meisje, mijn lieve meisje
ik ben gebroken, maar voor jou ook blij

jij jaagt nu op spookmuisjes
en vangt vast spookvogeltjes

mijn meisje, mijn lieve meisje

in de poezenhemel woon je nu
voor altijd jong
voor altijd vrij

maar ach mijn meisje, mijn lieve meisje

ik mis je
ik mis je


je was bijna je hele leven
een heel groot deel van dat van mij

Ik vergeet soms

Ik vergeet soms
vergeet dat ik vergeet soms
en vergeet dan te denken
dat dat niet erg is
-meestal

Want soms vergeet ik
iets wat ik beter niet kon vergeten
iets waarvan het bijna zeker beter is
het te blijven weten

Dus poog ik steeds te blijven weten
dat wat ik beter niet kan vergeten
zodat ik zeker niet vergeet
datgene wat ik weet

Het is alleen zo jammer
dat mijn hoofd niet weet
hoe ik niet vergeet